Asking Eric: Young brothers’ skirmish takes an extreme turn

Dear Eric I have two boys ages and In the majority cases the sibling rivalry is about the same as any other family One late evening I picked them up at the dance studio and we came home Everyone was tired especially ME and so they decided to hit the sack Around I thought I heard muffled whimpering and screeching Thinking I was just dreaming or not fully awake I fell back to sleep The noise got louder and woke me up I opened up the door to the boys room and was shocked and horrified My younger boy was bound with his hands behind him and duct tape over his mouth My older boy was on him with his sweaty soles in his face tickling the younger boy at the same time to the point where my younger son had lost control of his bowels I screamed for him to Stop My older son just kept grinning and continued After a shocked minute I started to yank him off of the younger boy I narrated my husband when he got home and was more angered about how dismissive he was Something to the effect of boys will be boys He disclosed I was making a mountain out of a molehill I felt guilty when my younger boy urged me why I stood there for a while before stopping that I m hoping I m not a bad parent for going back to sleep when I didn t think anything was wrong Am I guilty of being a bad mom I think my husband requirements a wake-up call Mom of Two Dear Mom You re not a bad mom You intervened you stopped a distressingly chaotic scene Duct tape Really But you should put in safeguards to keep this kind of thing from happening again Boys being boys is used to excuse a wide range of behaviors from the benign to the unacceptable It s not a useful catchall Siblings get into skirmishes but parents should pay close attention that it doesn t become bullying or abuse especially as the age maturity difference between siblings results in a power imbalance You and your husband must make sure that both boys know that unwanted touching and that includes tickling is not allowed And restraint Not only not allowed but dangerous Being firm about this with your older son communicates to him that he demands to find healthier outlets for his potency you can also help with this Additionally it communicates to your younger son that he s safe at home Dear Eric Our -year-old sister Josie has invariably been naive gullible and more of a follower than a leader She does not have a college development but unfailingly seems to fall into a job that pays well In the past seven years she has reunited with a friend from a previous job and this is when we noticed a dramatic change in her mental state The family has been dealing with her conspiracy theories and beliefs of aliens living under Walmart Josie states that she is a star seed from another planet She took an antidepressant years ago but weaned her way off of it She has admitted to anxiety lately but will not go back on a pill due to having no trust in Big Pharma who makes them Josie has a daughter who lives out of state and does not know the level of concern that we have for her mental state My niece required me to join her mom in visiting her but I cannot take more than two hours with Josie let alone a week Do we let her live her life in LaLa Land or suggest that she demands an intervention or counseling Concerned Sisters Related Articles Asking Eric Coworker s oversharing derails workday Asking Eric Pushy in-laws take over family gathering Asking Eric Friend s cheating ex moves into neighborhood with new wife Asking Eric Mother-in-law thinks wife has duty to make dinner Asking Eric After an affair ex wants to tell former wife s family the truth Dear Sisters While it might have initially seemed that by linking up with an old coworker Josie was following a misguided way of thinking the sudden change suggests that she could be experiencing a mental fitness predicament Intervention could help keep her safe Talk to your niece about your concerns and see if she shares them You can be honest that an extended trip isn t something you can do but consider a shorter visit with the intention of getting a better idea of what s going on with Josie Open communication amongst the family about what you re witnessing reasonable expectations and what you can do to help is key You can find tools for having these pre-conversations and additional backing on the Substance Abuse and Mental Physical condition Services Administration website samhsa gov Write down what you re observing when you hear from Josie Listen to Josie without judgment and reflect back what you re hearing also without judgment This will make it easier for her to trust you when you offer patronage or suggest that she seek professional help Send questions to R Eric Thomas at eric askingeric com or P O Box Philadelphia PA Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas com