Howie Carr: High degree of idiocy in Karen Read prosecution

In the movie Animal House John Belushi s character Bluto had only gone to Faber College for seven years Turns out Bluto was a world-class scholar compared to the prosecution s latest expert witness in the Karen Read murder trial in Dedham Meet Shanon Burgess who although he s claimed on multiple occasions to have a bachelor s degree doesn t have anything close to a BS although he s right now full of it BS that is Under cross-examination Monday from defense attorney Robert Alessi Burgess was grilled about his fabricated academic credentials If I do the math correctly sir Alessi announced Monday you have been pursuing a bachelor of science degree for years Correct Thass correct Burgess explained in his Alabama cracker accent Alessi And you have not obtained it as you sit here in the current era Burgess Thass correct Alessi And yet there are various documents that we ve seen that state that you obtained the bachelor of science correct Burgess Again with errors or misinterpretations Whose errors Whose misinterpretations This preposterous peckerwood was brought in to try to clean up after a few of the disastrous testimony of earlier prosecution onlookers He s an expert on technical matters The dilemma is that the prosecution s different technical narratives are providing reasonable doubt as to their deranged attempts to railroad Karen Read The matter the prosecution insists is clock drift But once Shanon began stammering in his backwoods drawl it became clear the prosecution s issue was truth drift He works for a company called Aperture which rhymes with departure which will ostensibly be Burgess next career move with the company The only question is Hos long until he s fired To a battle of wits Shanon comes unarmed As embarrassing as his sworn testimony about his college career was Monday Burgess doubled down on re-direct He was being questioned by Mob attorney Hank Brennan now serving as special prosecutor for corrupt DA Meatball Morrissey Hank Brennan sought him why he had claimed on his bulk fresh resumes that he was still seeking a bachelor s degree Because I am at this moment pursuing a bachelor s degree he repeated In this trial he was filling the technical role played in the first trial by state trooper Joseph Paul He was the guy who claimed The crime scene spoke to me Paul was painfully stupid But now Shanon Burgess makes him look like Albert Einstein And with his conehead Paul cut a less ridiculous figure than the follically challenged redneck He purports to be an expert But his only post-high school diploma is an associate s degree from world-renowned Wallace State Region College of Hanceville AL formerly known as the George Corley Wallace Bargain School of Cullman County Bet it s a great school if you want to learn how to butcher hogs Or in Burgess scenario butcher expert testimony He confused bytes and bits which is something any expert would know or so you would think He repeatedly commented he extracted details from the cell phone of Mrs Read That would be Karen Read s mother because Karen is not married On cross-examination he stated Alessi how key it was to synchronize timelines on cell phones down to the second Then Alessi pointed out that every date on his expert statement was off by hours He had listed the wrong date Jan instead of Jan In other words this hillbilly wasn t off by one or two seconds he was off by a whole day seconds Parlance he howled as his incompetence was shown Parlance He knows what that word means but when he was sought the previous day by Alessi if he knew the definition of the word mendacity he drew a blank As a graduate of the George Corley Wallace Arrangement School of Cullman County I m guessing there are a lot of other words Shanon doesn t know the meaning of Speaking of mendacity it is the contention of Shanon that he volunteered his new description mid-trial to Hank Brennan totally unsolicited by Whitey Bulger s old lawyer So Alessi presented him the cover letter which begins Dear Mr Brennan pursuant to your request I have completed an additional analysis Alessi This wasn t done on your own initiative You put it in writing that you did it at the request of Mr Brennan Which is it Burgess Uh so that was on mah own initiative This is a uh a holdover so a copy-and-paste from mah original ree-port Brennan has had this difficulty with observers in earlier trials I ve recounted you about how he used a drunk ex-FBI agent named Robert Fitzpatrick in the Whitey Bulger trial That G-man lied himself into a six-count perjury indictment Obviously Brennan is not real good at witness background checks Burgess veracity problems didn t rise to the perjury level he s just a fork-tongued cracker clown But Brennan did try to dig him out from under his torrent of resume lies Brennan tried to point out all the profitable Americans without college degrees Oprah Winfrey who does have one Steve Jobs Bill Gates etc Of module none of them ever felt the need to lie for decades about their academic credentials nor do they hold themselves out as technical experts Brennan requested Burgess about when one of his fraudulent resumes had been written It would have been mebbe tin years ago He appealed who had filled out the phony-baloney resume I don t particularly remember filling it out but obviously I did Well that must have certainly helped rehabilitate your witness with the jury Hank And now Shanon Burgess slinks back in humiliation to his new home in Texas The day before in court he was wearing the same suit and tie he had on Monday Obviously Hank hadn t given him a heads up on the multi-day beating everyone else knew was coming his way from Karen Read s defense organization How can Burgess ever testify as an expert again on anything In the movie Animal House when Bluto is on the ropes at Faber he whines Seven years of college down the drain When Burgess gets his Aperture departure he ll have his own sad song to sing Seventeen years of college down the drain